Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War Season 2

Episode 23

For decades, scientists have wondered if you can make an entire episode of television feel like a non-sequitur, and today, the brilliant mind of Mayuri Kurotsuchi answered that question with an emphatic “YES.” Soul Society's resident war criminal is here to not only grind this arc to a stultifying halt right before a big climax but to do so in a way so contrived that it almost feels like parody. Truly, his genius knows no bounds.

Look, I'm trying with Mayuri here. Even if I find his character uninteresting, I can see why he appeals to other fans. He's got a great shtick for a heel character – constantly talking down to his opponents, being infuriatingly snide the second he has the upper hand, cruel in a way that's so edgy and over-the-top that it loops back around to cool. It gets more complicated once he's on the ostensible good guys' side, but when paired with the right kind of villain he can still be a compelling anti-hero to root for or stare aghast at. If that works for you, I imagine hearing him monologue his way to victory is fun. For me, though, it's an exercise in tedium because all of his wins come from being decked out in plot contrivances that oh-so-conveniently solve the problem of whoever he's fighting, no matter how improbable.

So of course, when Hitsugaya shows up as Gigi's zombie drone, Mayuri already has a contingency plan. This time it turns out he laced all his Arrancar servants' blood with a special drug that traps people in Gold Experience Requiem's power. Why did he think to do that? Because he's just that smart. Also, he happens to have another drug that counteracts Gigi's power perfectly, allowing him to usurp control of her zombies and turn them on her – right after she reveals even more Captain-class zombies, of course. Why did he have something that specific ready to go before even knowing Gigi's powers? Because he's just that smart. Then, when a different Quincy – a large adult man in a diaper, for some reason – arrives with the power to control people's minds through love, Mayuri has also conveniently made his zombies immune to love! Why? How? Because he's just. That. Smart.

It's an escalation that sounds comedic on paper but is played deadly seriously and delivered with so little energy that it makes the whole episode feel like homework. There's no tension or mystery to the fight because Mayuri already has everything figured out and already set up a contingency that allows him to win without taking so much as a scratch. There's no process of him figuring out how the enemy's power works, coming up with a plan or struggling for even a second. He won these fights before they even started, and if Sternitter “F” – The Force Field Dog shows up next, you can bet your ass Mayuri will have his dinosaur who eats force field dogs on deck.

As if to add to that parade of anti-climaxes, Byakuya manages to beat three other Quincy without breaking a sweat, so we know for sure that any lingering threat the Sternritter carried has completely vanished. Not that I was exactly excited to see more of Candice Catnipp, or NaNaNa Najahkoop, or...hold on let me check the wiki...Robert Accutrone. None of those characters inspire any real curiosity, and since Byakuya doesn't have a new power to show off, it makes sense that we speed through those fights. Yet in aggregate with all of Mayuri's easy wins, it only highlights how pointless and dull these battles are. They stopped mattering the moment Ywach launched himself up to the Soul Palace, yet we've spent two full episodes wading around in the mud with poorly developed villains and stake-less battles that get resolved like afterthoughts.

It makes for a meandering chore of an episode; as if both the audience and adaptation are having to eat their least favorite vegetable because mom said we have to clean their plate before we can get back to the good stuff. It's to the point where any of my misgivings about Ywach as a villain have been pushed to the back burner because, at the very least, he is still a threat and his presence means the plot is moving forward again. This two-parter has managed to sap the life out of an already struggling season, and I am more than happy to put these zombies back in the grave and never speak of them again.

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Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War Season 2 is currently streaming on Hulu.