D.Gray-man Hallow

Episode 7

No matter how many times I tried to destroy myself, I kept regenerating.

In an episode so heartbreaking that watching it at a crowded train station was probably a misguided choice, I find one-winged angel Alma's (voiced by a terrific Megumi Han) inability to commit suicide because his healing factor simply won't let him die to be almost unbearable. Imagining what poor little Yu had to do to his only friend for the regeneration to stop is so revolting that the choice of letting us imagine the horror instead of showing it was a wise one, not only because, despite all the recent gore and body horror, this is still a shonen series, but because seeing the horror reflected in Allen's revulsion has a much bigger emotional impact. Accompanied by Yu's sobbing and the slicing sound of his sword, Allen's reaction reflects the audience's, while a crying For carries off the bodies of the slaughtered scientists, wondering if the Order's self-inflicted tragedy has now played out in full and it's finally over.

When secret organizations with the self-proclaimed mandate to save the world from a looming apocalypse start playing God by breeding half-human creatures in their basement, the chances of being able to control what you created are pretty slim. Neon Genesis Evangelion taught us this lesson years ago, but no one ever listens. Even the scientists' repentance in death by becoming monuments to their own arrogance will change nothing, as Renny, chosen to preserve their tragic memento, has apparently not learned a thing. The end still justifies the means, as she degrades all the human suffering caused by the Order's holy war into "collateral damage" and "necessary sacrifices."

The one who sacrificed the most without even realizing it was Kanda. Poor Kanda. Sacrificed once for the cause, resurrected, robbed of his human identity, betrayed and terminated as a failure, he then gets “saved” by his Innocence returning to him, yet again denying him to die in peace. While the Innocence responds to his desire to live, it curses him to endure even deeper suffering, forcing him to kill the only friend he ever had. Beyond reason, beyond hope of ever succeeding in finding the woman of his memories, despite not knowing if she's even still alive, Yu chooses the echo of his former life over his current one for a painful, but understandable reason. It's this feeling of having loved that proves to him he was once human, not just the broken tool he is now. Sadly, this decision not to give in to the temptation of death ends up forever trapping him in the past, preventing him from moving on. Yu doesn't choose life, he chooses survival, and after presumably killing Alma, that's all he's done for the past nine years.

The fact that he learned about the value of human connection in the face of despair from Marie, just before having to cut Alma into tiny little pieces over and over makes it all the more devastating, especially since Yu originally made the choice of saving Alma and running away together. At that moment, there was still a chance for him of being alive again, even if it wasn't with the woman he made his promise with. But when Alma gives up on the possibility of a future and only seeks to make the Order repent for what they did to them (and rightfully so), this hope for Yu, just like his name, dies with Alma. After Alma, he will never allow anyone to get close to him again, becoming the hateful, angry Kanda he is today, not withered like the dead lotus as Alma said they would be, but forever trapped in the mud of his joyless existence. He didn't choose life that day, he merely refused to die, so he stayed in that state of mind forever since (nicely illustrated by the overlapping voices of Tsubasa Yonaga and Takuya Satō).

As romantic as the idea of love stronger than death might be, I find myself pitying Kanda more than admiring his loyalty. His promise to someone who might or might not be alive, who he might never see again, binds him in a way that isn't so much romantic as it is cruel. Just as the lotus petals falling from the blossom in his room in the old series, he watches what's left of his life pass him by - drop by drop, petal by petal.

This brings us back to the question of agency, something D.Gray-man has always been fond of addressing, be it Lenalee accepting her unwanted fate as an Exorcist by finding things worth protecting, Lavi refusing to give up all human connection as a Bookman, and most of all Allen, vowing to stay true to himself and not give in to becoming anyone's puppet even if the whole world and destiny were against him. When Kanda goes from being used by the Order to being used in the the Earl's scheme, Allen's revulsion at Alma's bloody end turns into anger, both at the Earl and Kanda himself.

So what is the Earl's ultimate goal? Judging from the last seconds of this episode and the ED, I'd say it's pretty clear Kanda will have to fight Alma, likely to the death (again). As cruel as that is, I doubt that the Earl is all too concerned with their personal tragedies. If showing Allen the true face of the Order was the goal (possibly to make him want to quit being an Exorcist and embrace his destiny as The Fourteenth at the Earl's side), there shouldn't be much need for anything more than the story of these two cursed flowers who will never bear fruit, as the slightly strange translation of this episode's title suggests.

So, “did you fully enjoy the story of love and tragedy created by the Order's disgusting act”? Well, is it wrong of me to say that I thoroughly did, despite some unnecessary expository commentary by Edgar and a few weak final minutes? And is it bad of me to think that the Order might actually be in need of a new flood to truly grasp the meaning of repentance?

Rating: A-

D.Gray-man Hallow is currently streaming on Funimation.