The Fruit of Evolution: Before I Knew It, My Life Had It Made

Episode 6

I would like it to be known that I stand by every last word I've written about this show: It is terrible and sad in equal measure, a truly unfunny and pathetic cartoon that is bad at literally everything it tries to do. However, there are few anime that are utterly beyond redemption, and since some fans have recently taken umbrage with my raw and unfiltered perspective, I am going to take a different approach this time around. I am going to apply the cold, machine-like veneer of Pure Objectivity™ to this week's review of The Fruit of Evolution that will hopefully create the atmosphere of legitimate, transparent, and forward-thinking criticism that I strive so hard to foster each and every week. So, without further ado, I am proud to present:

In the opening scene, after acknowledging how awkward things have been with Artoria since last episode, Seiichi visits Muscle Guy and Dominatrix Lady at the Heroes' Guild, because I guess now he's interested in figuring out what happened to his classmates who got summoned here (remember them?), or maybe in just learning more about the Generic Isekai World he lives in now, or both? Either way, Muscle Guy and Dominatrix Lady make some lame jokes about being a Muscle Guy and a Dominatrix Lady. I'm going to go ahead and give this scene +2 Stars for technically establishing a plot for the episode to follow, though it scores -2 Stars for repeating the unfunny Muscle Guy and Dominatrix jokes from previous episodes, and another -2 Stars for the terrible human anatomy on display. What is up with that dude's arm??

CURRENT SCORE: -4/5 Stars

(Wait a minute, I forgot about the joke where the Muscle Guy takes a map to the Royal Library out of his banana hammock, and the dude's apparently got jock itch so bad that the paper is all soggy and reeking with stink waves! Then, Seiichi actually holds the goddamn thing with his bare hands. That's disgusting, and worth negative 20 stars, easy.)

CURRENT SCORE: -24/5 Stars

Alrighty, next up is the scene where two random guys I don't care about go on about the other Earth heroes and the Demon Lord or whatever. -28 stars for being so boring that I couldn't even finish the scene without checking my phone four or five times. That said, it's a scene where Seiichi doesn't have a single line of dialogue, which has to be worth a solid 50 stars in and of itself. Yeah, that sounds right.

CURRENT Score: -2/5 Stars

We've got a short scene next, where Artoria flails about and runs around the city because of how love-horny Seiichi has made her with his proposal. There are multiple nits to pick right here, including: The episode flashing back to a scene we already saw just a few minutes ago (-2 stars), and we're relying on that awful trope where a female character doesn't even realize what love is until our main dude comes around to light a fire in her loins (-2 stars). I'd give the episode another bonus for the lack of Seiichi, but the subplot is all about Seiichi, so it's a wash.

CURRENT SCORE: -6/5 Stars

Oh shit! This next scene at the library is great! I mean, it's not great, but it has the joke where Seiichi keeps learning spells with such ease and speed that he's starting to get annoyed. After simply opening a few books, he gets absolutely buried in little skill cards and looks completely miserable. Not only do I revel in Seiichi's suffering, but this is the closest the show has ever come to making me conceptualize the sound I might make if I snorted breath out of my nose a little in amusement, instead of laughing properly. I'm feeling generous after so many weeks of garbage, so fuck it! Let's give this bad boy 106 Stars!.

CURRENT SCORE: 100/5 Stars

Up next: Another scene I didn't hate! Here, Saria plays with a bunch of orphan kids, and we learn she can transform back into a gorilla. This amounts to absolutely nothing, but it's kind of cute that the show didn't forget about her gorilla-ness, I guess? After consulting with ANN's team of Expert Waifu Analysts, I have determined that I can award this scene precisely three and one five-seventh stars. That's just basic math, yo.

CURRENT SCORE: 103.71428571428/5 Stars

Looking good so far, TFoE! Now there's a scene where Seiichi…buys a painting from a puppy-dog girl? Um. Okay. I guess….00000028572 Stars? Sure. Yeah.

CURRENT SCORE: 103.714286/5 Stars

Okay, so now Seiichi is in a bar, and there are some random guys that he's talking to about relationship advice, a stupid joke where Seiichi visualizes getting castrated (-10 Stars), and then Seiichi does a spit take when Bartender Guy explains the basic concept of proposing marriage, which Seiichi already figured out last week. Am I going crazy? What is the point of all this. I was going to take off another 20 stars for getting my time wasted, but the guys suggest that Seiichi just date both of his lady partners, which is refreshingly honest, so I'm only going to take off .714286 Stars. For now.

CURRENT SCORE: 93/5 Stars

Hoo boy, the remainder of this episode is a straight up roller coaster. The incredibly long and horribly written scene where Adrianna explains how feelings work to Artoria is not only patronizing—it's completely incompetent in how it is shot. Why do we have so many awkward closeups of Artoria's distorted face??? That was going to be a hard negative 50 stars, but then the episode ends with Seiichi bumbling his way into a polyamorous bisexual thruple with his Gorilla Wife and his Awkward Weirdo Wife. To be honest, this is probably a best-case scenario for this show, because as much as I hate how Seiichi is being treated with any amount of dignity or respect, I have to respect how honest the show is being with its harem intentions. My super complex Anime Reviewer Trigonometric Calculations tell me that this evens out to a hefty +7 stars, which would add up to…my god.

CURRENT SCORE: 100/5 Stars !?

Sweet Christmas…this means that The Fruit of Evolution didn't just turn things around, it has earned the single highest rating that any single work of art has ever earned on Anime News Network! I don't believe it…man, I guess it's a good thing that the episode ends on a completely natural and satisfying—

Wait. Wait a minute, what is happ—

No…no!!

I'm sorry, what? Are you kidding me? A freaking Evangelion reference? Is that why they named the episode “Crying Out Love in the Center of Another World“? Why? For what purpose? This has literally nothing to do with anything!

You screwed up, tonight, Fruit of Evolution. You. Screwed. Up. Tonight. That's -10,000 stars. You almost made it, show. You could have had it all, and you threw it all away by besmirching the greatest anime of all time with your stink.

Rating:

The Fruit of Evolution: Before I Knew It, My Life Had It Made is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.

James is a writer with many thoughts and feelings about anime and other pop-culture, which can also be found on Twitter, his blog, and his podcast.